


Forever In Your Arms

by Gimmemore



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: (implied anyways) - Freeform, (regarding accidental bonding), Accidental Bonding, Alcohol, Alien Character(s), Alien Cultural Differences, Alien Culture, Alien Planet, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Consent Issues, Dancing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Gay Sex, Lack of Communication, M/M, Marriage, Mind Meld, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Non-Explicit Sex, Reconciliation, References to Depression, Same-Sex Marriage, Season 2, Sharing a Bed, Sharing a Room, Star Trek Reverse Big Bang, Star Trek: Discovery Spoilers, T'hy'la, Time Skips, Vulcan Bond, Vulcan Mind Melds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 02:47:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19286551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gimmemore/pseuds/Gimmemore
Summary: The Enterprise has been sent on another diplomatic mission to welcome another species to the Federation.  But with an admiral's meddling and Jim coming to an ill-timed revelation, things start to quickly unravel.  Further complications arise on the alien planet that test who and what Jim and Spock are to each other.  Can they survive what happens, or will it break them apart?





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Star Trek Reverse Big Bang for the wonderful artwork by [stars-and-their-treks](https://stars-and-their-treks.tumblr.com)! It was a pleasure working with them.
> 
> Many thanks to my cheerleader and beta [captain-raven-knight](https://captain-raven-knight.tumblr.com), who managed a quick beta read because life kept throwing things into my writing schedule and put me behind.

Jim had just finished his morning ablutions, preparing for alpha shift, when the comm went off in his room.  He sighed.  A captain’s job was never finished.  He marched to his console, hitting the button to reply.  “Yes, lieutenant?”

“Sorry for the early morning page, but Admiral Komack is on the line and insists on speaking to you immediately.  And privately, sir.”

Internally, Jim heaved another sigh.  “Thank you, lieutenant.  Pipe him through.”

“Yes, sir.”

Jim was less than thrilled.  Admiral Komack had been even more of a pain in the ass since Jim went around him and took Spock to Vulcan during his _pon farr._   Maybe he was just being paranoid, but it seemed as though Komack had made it his personal mission to meddle and interfere with the Enterprise and her command crew.  He braced himself, putting on a neutral expression before he hit the button accepting the transmission.  “Admiral Komack, sir.  What can I do for you?”

“I was told you received your orders today for a diplomatic mission to Tiliqua III.”

“I did.”

“Good.  I’m calling to make sure the mission is a success.”

“Sir?”

“Most of Starfleet command thinks you and your crew are the finest Starfleet has to offer.  But I beg to differ.”

Jim felt his face flush with heat as anger began simmering in his gut.  Komack was baiting him.  He knew that.  But it didn’t stop his body’s reaction to the asinine man on the screen.  “With all due respect, the Enterprise and her crew have always gotten the job done.  Sir.”

“Really, Kirk?  What about the Halkans?  The debacle on Space Station K7?  The embarrassment of Altair VI?”

“Those were all – “

“Do not try to spin a story on how they were actually wins for Starfleet and the Federation.  I know the truth.”

Jim bit his tongue.  It was no use arguing.  Whatever perceived slight Jim and Spock had committed, had kept Komack on their asses ever since.  He also knew Komack hadn’t taken T’Pau’s interference lightly.  All he could do now was protect himself, Spock, and the crew against whatever the admiral had in store.

“As I was saying,” he began, “Starfleet needs our best at this function on Tiliqua III to deal with the Rugosans, and the rest of command is convinced that’s you.  Specifically, you and Spock.”  Admiral Komack paused.  “Have you read the dossier?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Then you know only married or mated pairs have authority in their culture.  They are the leaders and holders of political power.  Something about opposing views balancing each other.  A load of crap if you ask me.  But this cultural view would leave our _finest_ command team at a disadvantage in negotiations.”

Jim’s stomach filled with dread.  He had a sinking feeling Komack was about to propose a way to remove the disadvantage.

“We need this meeting to be successful.  This culture and their dilithium stores will be great assets to the Federation.  Therefore, you and Spock will present yourselves as a married couple to the Rugosan monarchs and high council and – “

“But – “

“I’m not here to field objections or listen to excuses,” Komack barked.  “You have put on plenty of faces.  You’ve been a Romulan, even acted like you were dead.  Done things for the greater good, and to save your crew.”  Komack leaned forward in his chair, making his face, twisted with vindictiveness and pettiness, even bigger.  “You two seemed joined at the hip these days, so I’m sure it won’t take much effort to make it look convincing.  I don’t care how it gets done, but it will be done.”

Jim’s blood pressure spiked, flushing his face.  Tremors shook his hands in barely controlled fury at Komack’s words.  There were a lot of things Jim was willing to do, and had done, to save Spock and his crew.  He’d lied, cheated, stole, and even bargained away his body to protect them.  But he would not sign up Spock for that same fate.  He would never infringe upon Spock’s decency.

“Is that an order, sir?”  Jim’s voice dripped with scarcely concealed contempt.

Komack glared at him.  “Not officially, but you should behave as if it were.”

That was all Jim needed to hear.  “Then, unofficially, I refuse.  I will not deceive the Rugosans.  To do so would begin our alliance on lies.”  Then Jim leaned forward, so Komack wouldn’t mistake the conviction in his eyes.  “You want us, then we go as the team we are, but I will not pretend to be in a relationship with my first officer.”

“Mark my words, Kirk.  If you fail this time, it’ll be the last mistake you make.”  Komack’s eyes lit with unconcealed malice.  “You may think you’re the golden boy of the fleet and that that makes you untouchable, but I’ll make sure this goes down in your permanent record, along with opening a review of all your other botched missions.”

“Fine by me,” Jim gritted out.  “I’ll take my chances.”

“You usually do,” Komack sneered, “but I think you’ll find your luck is about to run out.”

Before Jim could say anything else, Komack cut the communication.  Dammit.  He knew Komack disliked him, but the amount of vitriol the man held against him was worrying.  And now he had this diplomatic mission to deal with. 

He only hoped they could find a way to deal with the Rugosans truthfully and make this alliance work.  If not?  Well, he didn’t want to think about how hard Komack could make his life and his future in Starfleet.  Regardless, he knew he’d made the right decision, even if he had a confirmed enemy in the admiral.

But for now, he had an alpha shift to work and a mission briefing to attend.  He grabbed his boots, pulling them on and lacing them up.  Walking out of his quarters, he just knew it was going to be a long day.  He could feel it in his bones.


	2. Chapter Two

Alpha shift had been awful.  Not for anything unusual, but because it turned out to be excruciatingly mundane.  Nothing exciting had occurred, and while that would normally be a welcome reprieve, it allowed Jim’s mind to wander, to spend time running through his and Komack’s conversation, and to second guess everything that was said a dozen times over.  Probably more.  It put him in a sour mood for the meeting at the end of shift about Tiliqua III and the Rugosans.

He made his way to the conference room, sitting down in his usual chair.  He spared a glance at the Vulcan on his left.  _No_ , he thought, _he was sure he’d made the right choice_.  He respected Spock too much (and the Rugosans for that matter) to even suggest Komack’s solution to him.  Spock could never know what Komack had proposed, nor the punishment that would come should they fail.  He would not burden him with that.  Jim was the captain after all.  Success or failure, whether his or his crew’s, was his responsibility to bear and his alone.

By the time he tuned back into the meeting, Lt. Haverness from cultural sciences was giving the rundown of what was known about the species and their culture.

“…lizard-like humanoids.  They walk upright, slow and lumbering.  Observationists likened it to the bears of Earth walking on two legs.  They have clubbed tails and a vibrant, deep blue tongue.  The tongue acts as a sixth sense, which is used to taste the pheromones of others.  Some suspect this helps them choose their life-long mates and gives them ESP-like capabilities in assessing other humanoids.”

Extra sensory perception, huh?  Seemed they had the ability to gauge people for who and what they were.  He wondered what they would see in him.  Again, he glanced to his side.  Spock’s touch telepathy was a sixth sense he was intimately familiar with.  They’d melded many times in the line of duty; the last one had saved him from being stuck inside Janice Lester’s body forever.

He mentally shook himself.  The comm from Komack had rattled him.  Maybe that’s what Komack wanted; for Jim to be distracted when he needed to be paying attention to the briefing.  Refocusing, he leaned forward in his chair to avoid drifting off in thought.

“…deeply soulful, and mate for life.  Only once a Rugosan is mated are they considered a full member of society and bestowed the rights and privileges thereof.  Because of this, it is strongly recommended that only long-time, successful couples be the on the diplomatic mission to Tiliqua III so that they will be viewed as equals with the authority to negotiate terms and treaties.”

Jim knew it was a very small part of why Admiral Komack ordered him to fake a relationship with Spock, but he would still stand firm by what he’d said.  He would not ask that of Spock.  If Spock knew that the success of this mission could affect Jim’s career, he wouldn’t say no.  In fact, much to the chagrin of a certain CMO, given the chance, Spock would sacrifice himself for Jim, just as Jim would for Spock.

But it had grown into something beyond that, beyond just duty.  He felt like he and Spock had a connection that ran deeper than just captain and commander or even good friends.  At first, he had thought it was merely because of close quarters and constant contact the last four years, but it had felt…different, especially after Spock’s _pon farr_ and the Janice debacle.  Though if he really looked back, it had always been there, only now it was stronger, more persistent.

It was then and there, in a conference room aboard the Enterprise, that his world tilted, flipped upside down, and came to a screeching halt.  The white noise in his mind drown out all thoughts but one.  His heart skipped a beat.

Memories flashed before him; all their interactions painted with a clear underlying emotion.  How could he have missed something this big?  He was in love with Spock?  Another several beats crashed against his chest.

He was in love with Spock.

The revelation had his head spinning.  He only caught a few more words of the briefing: omnivores, retained scales for protection and adornment, no clothing.  What else was in between, he couldn’t say.  He wanted to bury his head in his hands.  He didn’t know what he was going to do about his realization, but whatever he did, it would have to wait until a more appropriate time.

And if he were being truly honest with himself?  It wasn’t likely that he and Spock would ever be together.  Jim doubted the possibility given Spock’s prior decisions regarding personal relationships, and Jim would never push or put Spock on the spot.  Even if Spock returned his feelings, which would be a miracle, it could go badly.  And Jim?  Well, he didn’t have the best track record when it came to relationships.  He would rather have Spock by his side as friend and commander than jeopardize it for a romantic relationship.

Jim fought to remain focused as several others added their respective parts to the briefing.  By the time it was over, they had pieced together a landing party.  There had been a few raised eyebrows at his declaration that he and Spock would lead the landing party, with Uhura to help with communications.  They’d be accompanied by Lt. Haverness and Lt. Commander Delante from engineering.  Both women were competent officers and had been married for over fifteen years.  One married couple would hopefully show the Rugosans they respected its cultural importance.

Jim dismissed his officers but remained in his chair.  Closing his eyes, he pinched the bridge of his nose.  This whole thing had given him a migraine.

“Captain?”

He nearly jumped out of his skin.  He opened his eyes to see a worried Spock hovering by his side.  He put on a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.  “Yes, Mister Spock?”

“Captain, I am concerned.  Given the Rugosans cultural significance to mated pairs, would it not be logical to send others in our stead?”

Jim sighed, grumbling, “I’m just obeying orders, Spock.  Well, one of them anyway.”

Spock’s eyebrow quirked with concern.  “Captain?”

“Never mind.”  He laced his voice with false bravado.  “Not to worry, Mister Spock.  It’ll all work out.”  He stood up, pushing his chair back.  “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to retire to my quarters.  I have a migraine and need the dark and quiet.”

“Of course.”

Jim strode out of the room and headed straight for his quarters, no doubt leaving a puzzled Spock behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek, nor am I profiting from this in any way. I am merely playing with the characters for enjoyment's sake.


	3. Chapter 3

They arrived at Tiliqua III two days later.

Jim awoke that ship’s morning with another raging headache.  In fact, it hadn’t really subsided since the briefing.  He just needed to get this diplomatic mission done and move on.  Of course, it didn’t help that every interaction with Spock – and gods there were so many – was now colored by the fact that he was head over heels in love with his first officer.  How he had kept it from his conscious mind, denied the acknowledgment of it for so long, was beyond him.

Right now, he wished he could fast forward two days to when this would all be over.  He adjusted the belt at his waist that cinched the loose, green tunic he wore.  Since the Rugosans wore no clothing, they decided that wearing a minimal amount of clothing would show deference to their culture.  Or at least they hoped it was taken that way.  Adjusting the belt one last time, he left his quarters and headed to the transporter room, coming to a stop just inside the door.

Spock looked…amazing.  The tunic ran a bit shorter on him, accentuating his long legs and trim, firm figure.  Fuck.  At this rate, Jim would give himself away before the night’s end.  To hide his reaction from everyone, especially Spock, he turned towards Scotty, who was manning the transporter controls.

“Everything set, Scotty?”

“Aye, sir.  Coordinates locked in to beam ya down to tha capital city of Asperia.  Should land right in front of tha main building.”

“Good.”  With his reaction under control, Jim turned and stepped onto the transporter pad, with everyone else following suit.  “Let’s get this done.”  Once everyone was settled, Jim gave the order.  “Energize.”

They set down on Tiliqua III right where Scotty said they would, and the first thing Jim noticed was the heat.  Since the Rugosans were descended from desert-dwelling lizards, it made sense they would evolve on a hot planet.  Jim was grateful they’d decided on minimal clothing.  He was already sweating.  He glanced around at the rest of the landing party and they all looked to be in similar situations, all except for Spock.

“Enjoying the weather, Mister Spock?”

“Indeed.  It is comfortable and relaxing.”

Instead of focusing on the oppressive heat, Jim kept his eyes front, focused on the two huge, slow moving humanoids approaching them, followed by four others.  The two leading the group must be the ruling monarchs, Shin’gel and Yoorn.  As per the dossier, they waited while the monarchs offered their greetings first, part of which involved allowing the Rugosans to ‘taste’ the air around each of them with their tongues.

Yoorn and Shin’gel walked between and amongst them, passing behind Jim and Spock.  Jim worried when they began to let out a series of high-pitched hisses and clicks, their ribcages compressing to force the air out.  The universal translator was having a tough time keeping up with all the excitement, and all it parsed out was, “honored presence of mated pair.”

Whew.  That was a good sign.  Jim made to step aside and usher Lt. Haverness and Lt. Commander Delante forward, but the monarchs crowded near Jim and Spock.  They spoke too fast for the universal translator to get everything, but it did decipher several of their words: _venerated, revered one true pairing, privileged to be of service._

Jim was confused.  He gestured back to their only married couple. “These are ones you refer to?”

The Rugosans cocked their heads while the translator rendered his words.  They hissed and shook their heads.  “No, it is of your union we speak.”  They pointed to him and then to Spock.

Jim exchanged a perplexed look with his first officer.  “I’m sorry, your majesties, but I assure you, we are not mated.”

Spock spoke up, adding, “The Captain is correct.”

More clicks and hisses followed, mostly from Yoorn.  “What we sense cannot be wrong.  Your taste, your essence; they are intermingled, indistinguishable from the other.  We have never seen such a pair.”

He hated to make a scene, but he tried again.  “All due respect, but you are mistaken.  We are not mated.”

Shin’gel moved towards him with a long hiss.  “It is as we say.  It cannot lie.”

What else could he do?  He could try to get the facts straight all he wanted, but it was apparent the Rugosans were convinced of something he knew didn’t exist.  They hadn’t misrepresented themselves and he hadn’t lied.  If the Rugosans continued to insist they were mated, and by all appearances they would, then it would be in poor diplomatic form to further argue the point.  So, he simply acquiesced to them with a nod of his head, while also gesturing to Spock to let the misunderstanding be for the time being.

“We defer to your expertise.  We are all pleased to begin our alliance with you.”

This seemed to satisfy them.  “And we are pleased to entertain you.”  Shin’gel and Yoorn swept their hands toward the capital building, which had been chiseled from the very rock of the planet.  “Please follow us.  We will talk, then eat, then sleep to prepare for further celebration tomorrow.”

Jim and the rest of the party followed the monarchs, though Jim’s thoughts were preoccupied on what the Rugosans had said.  How could they get something so wrong?  The last thing he and Spock were, was mated.  His mind spun with possibilities for explanations.  Perhaps it was their closeness over the last four years: same ship, same space, same air.  Hell, they even shared a bathroom.  That had to be it.  They just spent enough time in each other’s presence that they could fool this species’ sensory perceptions.

Considering it resolved, he cleared his mind and focused on the task ahead.  They entered the building; whose first floor was a cavernous room with intricately carved symbols covering the walls.

“Asperia has been the capital for as long as Rugosans can recall.  It holds the symbols of our past and present selves, so that we may reflect on what is, and what has been, in order to advance to the future,” Yoorn detailed.

“Please follow us.”  Shin’gel led the way down a sloping hallway. 

Though the building got cooler as they descended further into the planet, the humidity continued to rise.  Though not as stifling and muggy as several Earth caverns Jim had gone climbing in, it felt similar. 

The second level of the building held many rooms off the main hallway they travelled.  Yoorn and Shin’gel were consummate hosts, giving out information about the uses of the rooms and what transpired within their culture and leadership.

Mid-way down the hall, the monarchs stopped, gesturing to the room on the right.  “This is where we will have our assembly for today,” Shin’gel said.  They gestured across the hall to another, larger room.  “This is where we will consume nutrients together.”

The dining hall was large, but that was not the most impressive part.  It was the carved stone table rising up out of the very floor that was the true feat.

“Once we have eaten, we will then proceed to your temporary dwellings.”

“Thank you again for your hospitality,” Jim replied.  If they could just get through the next thirty-six hours without any incidents, this just might go off without a hitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek, nor am I profiting from this in any way. I am merely playing with the characters for enjoyment's sake.


	4. Chapter Four

The next several hours passed by with relative ease.  The treaty and alliance with the Federation, and the details thereof, had mostly been hammered out before their arrival.  This meeting was simply to put the polish on the last few details, get the agreement signed, spend time in each other’s company, and prepare for a bigger celebration for the formal induction into the Federation in the months to come.

After the meeting, the Rugosans prepared the crew an indulgent feast.  Since the Rugosans were omnivores, there was food prepared within everyone’s dietary needs.  Jim’s favorite dish of the evening, called _Pomatia_ , consisted of snail-like creatures stewed in a bowl of flavorful, creamy sauce.

He glanced around at his crew, each of whom seemed to be enjoying the evening.  Spock sat beside him, quiet, stoic, and observing, as always.  After a quick dessert, a frothy drink that tasted like a passionfruit milkshake, the Rugosans announced that it was time to retire for the evening.

Yoorn and Shin’gel stood first.  “Please follow us,” they spoke in unison.  They all trailed behind them, out the door and down the hallway, opposite the direction where they had entered the second level.  Further down they travelled, until the hallway ended.  Like the spokes of a giant wheel, it branched off in all directions.

The monarchs turned to the left, taking the last spoke on the far side.  The path here narrowed a bit, sloping further down until it opened into a gigantic round room.  Off the outer ring of the circle were doors that Jim suspected led to rooms for each of them.  He counted the number of doors.  Well, for almost all of them.

“This pod will be for you and your crew.  Each room is equipped with a sound-proof energy barrier.”  The universal translator took a moment to interpret Yoorn’s next series of hisses and clicks.  “The energy barrier can also be modified from transparent to opaque to accommodate to your desired level of privacy.” 

Shin’gel walked to the first door on the left.  “This is reserved for our most distinguished guests.”  He gestured to Jim and then Spock.  “We honor your bond, by presenting this room to you.”

Jim’s smile was tight and thin.  This wouldn’t be the first time he and Spock had shared quarters on an alien planet, but it was the first time they’d be sharing with the distinction of a bonded pair, at least from the Rugosans point of view.  Spock remained silent beside him, deferring to Jim’s handling of the situation.

“Thank you for your consideration, your majesties.  We accept with gratitude.”  Pleased hisses and clicks emanated from both of them.  Once they got settled in, Jim would apologize to Spock.  Whether or not the Rugosans could be convinced to accept they weren’t a couple, he didn’t want Spock to feel uncomfortable.

Once Yoorn and Shin’gel showed Uhura her room, and Lt. Haverness and Lt. Comm Delante theirs, they departed with, “May sleep be plentiful until tomorrow’s rise,” and exited the way they had come, disappearing back down the narrow hallway.

His crew all stood before him, gathered for any further orders before turning in for the night.  “Alright.  Now that the first part of this meeting is done, try and get some sleep.  We’ve got the bigger part of the ceremonies tomorrow when more of the Rugosan high council will be attending.  Excellent job, everyone.  Dismissed.”

A small chorus of, “Yes sir” was followed by them dispersing to their rooms.  All except for him and Spock.  “Well, Mister Spock, looks like we get to share quarters once again.”

“It appears so, Captain.”

He turned to Spock, apology in his eyes.  “I’m sorry I couldn’t convince the Rugosans that we are not a couple, but it seemed that continuing to argue the point would get us nowhere.  I didn’t want to cause an incident.”

“I understand.  You need not apologize for their misunderstanding.”

“I just don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

Spock tilted his head.  “Captain, there is nothing to be uncomfortable about.  You attempted to get the Rugosans to understand their perception was incorrect, as did I.  Logically, there is nothing to be concerned over.  Though our logs should make note of it for future interactions with their culture.”

Jim smiled at Spock, soft and tender.  He really was in love with him.  “Of course, Mister Spock.  Logical explanations as always.”  Standing there beside Spock with their first day complete, he finally began to relax.  “Well then, let’s get some rest.  After you,” he said, sweeping his hand toward their room.

He entered the room behind Spock, and once his eyes adjusted, a surprised gasp escaped him.  It was as if they had been transported into a secluded corner oasis in the middle of a desert.  The lighting, reminiscent of the fireflies he tried to catch on the farm in Iowa, created a lovely ambiance with their small, flickering orbs.  Like all the architecture of the Rugosans, the room was carved out of the planet, and being this far down, the sedimentary lines shimmered and glinted in the muddled light.

Off in the right corner was a pool of bright pink water being fed by a gentle waterfall.  It appeared to glow in the room’s low light.  With no bathrooms of note, Jim guessed it was a bathing pool.  Just to the left of the pool was a six-inch deep circular hole.  A pipe in the side fed it blue-colored water, causing the water to swirl down into an opening at the bottom of the circle.  Well.  He figured he knew what that was for. 

The last feature of their room, and the only piece of furniture, was the bed.  Roughly oval-shaped, it was also sculpted from stone.

“Ahem.  Well, looks like an open floor plan, and not a lot of privacy.”  Jim turned back towards Spock.  “My apologies again.  I can demand a separate room if you prefer.”

“It is not necessary.  They believe us mated.  If this were the case, such openness would be expected amongst us.”

But they weren’t mated.  However, Spock seemed to not mind, or he was putting on his diplomatic face.  Regardless, they were here for the night.  He walked back to the door, pushing the button that engaged the door’s barrier and turned the dial to opaque.  “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll go ahead and bathe now rather than in the morning.  I’m feeling a bit sticky from the heat and humidity.”

Spock nodded.  “Then I will begin my mediation while you begin your ablutions.”  They parted, Spock going over to the far left, on the other side of the bed, while Jim went for the bathing pool.  He took his time unlacing his boots and pulling off his socks with slow and exaggerated movements, figuring it would give Spock time start his mediation before he disrobed completely.

Once barefoot, he stood up, glancing back over his shoulder to see Spock kneeling, back to him.  Well, it was now or never.  He quickly took off his tunic and underwear, folding them haphazardly in a pile near the pool and got in. 

The water was…invigorating.  It wasn’t as warm as he preferred, but whatever made the water pink buzzed along his skin, like an effervescence.  He sank deeper into the water.  Relaxation came swiftly; the glowing, bubbling water and the soothing white-noise of the waterfall unwinding his tension from the last several days.

He lingered a bit longer than normal, but knew he needed to get out before Spock finished.  He sighed and stood up, his body protesting with a shiver that covered him in goosebumps.  Stepping out, he looked around for something to dry off with.  “Damn,” he muttered.  Nothing.  Guess he was putting his clothes back on without drying off first.

Yanking the garments back on proved to be a pain in the ass, but he managed it, minus his boots of course.  He stole another glance at Spock who had not so much as twitched in the time he’d spent in the pool.  Stepping lightly so he wouldn’t disturb him, he went to the side of the bed nearest him. 

It looked uncomfortable.  He’d slept on rock hard cave floors before, though it wasn’t his preferred accommodation.  He shrugged.  It wouldn’t be the best sleep he’d ever had, but one night wasn’t going to kill him either.  He climbed in and stretched out.  Yep, just as it looked; hard as the rock it was carved from.

Suddenly, the bed lit up, green lights flashing in rapid succession before the light traveled from top to bottom and back again.  It abruptly left, plunging the room back into dimly lit shadows.  “What the – “

The bed softened under him and started to exude a warmth from within.  It felt…amazing.  So, the bed only looked like stone.  He figured the green light was a sort of scanner that concluded this was the optimal bed for his species.  Ingenious.  He got comfortable, wiggling into the softness and awaited Spock’s turn.

He waited.  And waited.  And waited further.  But Spock never joined him.  He tried concentrating on the lulling sounds of the waterfall, but once the sound grew, scratching at his brain with thunderous echoes, he couldn’t take it any longer.  He had to speak up.

“Spock?  Are you coming to bed?”  Jim winced.  That sounded awkward.  Spock gave no answer.  He sat up in bed, glancing over to find the rigid back of his first officer.  “Spock?”  He sighed.  Wasn’t uncomfortable, huh?  “Spock, you can’t stay in that position all night and there’s no other place to sleep.  Please come rest.”  He heard the smallest of sounds, a Vulcan sigh if he’d ever heard one, and then Spock spoke.

“Vulcans require less sleep than humans and – “

“Yes, I know,” Jim interrupted.  “You remind me quite often.  But I need you in top form for our meetings tomorrow, Mister Spock.  A lot is riding on it.”

There was a small pause, then shuffling as a tall, partially shadowed figure appeared at the left side of the bed.  Without a word, Spock crawled in the bed, adjusting until he lay straight and stiff.  That is, until the green lights flashed again, and scanned Spock.  Spock’s eyes noticeably widened as the bed changed to accommodate him.  He glanced over at Jim.

“Fascinating,” he murmured.

“Right?  I would love to have one of these aboard the Enterprise.  Would sleep like a baby every night.”

“Does not a baby wake often to be fed or frequently have their clothes changed since they soil themselves?  Why would you want to sleep as they do?”

Jim burst out with a laugh. “I think they mean how many hours they get to sleep in a day, or the peacefulness of their sleep.  Not necessarily the crying and feeding and such.”

Spock huffed.  “Then it is another illogical human idiom.”

“Very likely, Mister Spock,” he chuckled.  “Very likely.”  He adjusted in the bed, getting comfortable once more.  “But for now, sleep my friend.  We have a long day tomorrow.”

“As you wish, Jim.”

Jim smiled, falling to sleep with ease with Spock by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek, nor am I profiting from this in any way. I am merely playing with the characters for enjoyment's sake.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains spoilers for season two of Star Trek Discovery (and there are brief references here and there in later chapters), but this one has the biggie.
> 
> I made this chapter small so that if you want to skip it you can. Gist of this chapter: Spock has a nightmare, Jim freaks out at Spock's flailing, Jim tries to wake him, and through Star Trek magic (ie a meld) Jim gets to see the nightmare.

He awoke with a start, disoriented and startled by the violent thrashing next to him.  His heart raced, forcefully pounding against his chest, the adrenaline coursing through his veins preparing him for fight-or-flight.

Something was very wrong.  Spock twisted and moaned beside him on the bed, writhing in the throes of what appeared to be a horrible nightmare.  As far as he knew, Vulcans didn’t dream, but maybe this was Spock’s human side taking advantage of his unconscious mind.  Jim’s concern grew as Spock’s flailing became more violent.  He wouldn’t be able to get close without restraining Spock, and with Spock’s Vulcan strength to account for, that was easier said than done.  So, he tried calling out to him first.

“Spock.  Spock, wake up.”  Nothing.  He took a deep breath, yelling as loud as he could.  “Spock!”  No response, no indication he heard him.  Spock’s limbs twitched and he whimpered, as if in pain.  Then, Spock stilled, body going taut with fists clenched.

Jim waited, watching.  After ten seconds and no indication that Spock was drawing breath, Jim panicked.  He shuffled over to Spock and grabbed his shoulders, shaking him while calling out his name.  When that did nothing, he straddled him, readjusted his grip and shook harder.

Spock’s body lay rigid beneath him and he still hadn’t taken a breath.  So, Jim did the only thing he could think of in his panic.  He drew back and slapped Spock’s cheek hard, yelling his name.  There was still no change.  Desperation seized him and held tight.  He cupped Spock’s face, pleading, “Please, Spock.  You need to wake up,” before his fingers spread along Spock’s face.  Unwittingly, his fingers aligned with Spock’s psi points.  Jim screamed as he was dragged into Spock’s nightmare.

_All around Discovery were ships upon ships.  Section 31 ships.  And Control was coming after them.  It wanted Michael Burnham, to take over and silence her and thus obtain the key to its victory.  Spock couldn’t let that happen.  Would not let her face it alone.  They had the support of the entire Discovery crew, plus the crew of the Enterprise.  They wouldn’t fail.  Couldn’t._

_But Control kept coming for them.  Time and again, thwarting their best plans until they had but one left.  Michael must take the sphere data into the future, where Control didn’t exist.  But it was a one way trip.  The time crystal’s structure would degrade and collapse.  She coils leave but would not be able to return._

_Spock’s heart ached.  His sister could not leave him.  She was his balance.  Yet, she must, to save not only the lives of their crews, but all sentient lives across every planet in their universe.  The needs of the many outweighed his need; the needs of the one._

_Spock’s mind filled with anguish as they said their goodbyes.  The Enterprise beamed him aboard and he silently watched as Michael and Discovery vanished through the temporal rift.  But within his mind, Spock railed against his loss.  It was deafening._

 

Unable to detach himself from Spock’s mind, Jim fell into the abyss with him as the memory faded to a vast nothingness.  Their minds, strained from the memory and the connection, lost consciousness.  They blacked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek, nor am I profiting from this in any way. I am merely playing with the characters for enjoyment's sake.


	6. Chapter Six

Jim awoke the next morning to gentle prodding.

“Jim?  Please remove your body from mine.”

It took a moment to register that he had, apparently, slept on top of his first officer the entire night.  In the next moments, the memories of last night assaulted his conscious mind.  He pitched himself over to his side of the bed, sitting up to clutch his head in a sudden, gnawing headache.

“Jim?  Are you unwell?”

Jim huffed in pain.  “I think my brain is trying to figure out what happened last night.”

“Does it have something to do with why you were laying on top of me this morning?”

Jim’s brow creased in concern.  “You don’t remember what happened?  Your nightmare?”

Spock stiffened, replying, “I know not of what you speak.”

“Really?  Because I saw what you saw.  I don’t know how, but I did.”  He ran his fingers through his hair as the details replayed in his mind.  “Why didn’t you ever mention you had a sister?”

Spock acted as if he had been struck.  “How do you know that?” he whispered.

“You had a nightmare.  You stopped breathing and your body went rigid.  I tried to wake you and couldn’t.  And then,” Jim shrugged, shaking his head in disbelief, “I don’t know.  I _saw_ your nightmare.  I could see your memory.” 

Spock grew agitated, clipping out, “That is impossible.”

“But it did happen.”  Jim was soft and gentle as he asked, “Spock, what happened to Michael?”

“You cannot, _must not_ speak that name to me,” he ground out.  Spock stood up, scrambling out of the bed away from Jim.  “What have you done?”

Jim held up his hands in surrender.  "Hey.  Spock.  It's okay."

Spock trembled, whether with anger or fear or both, Jim didn’t know, but his voice was low and accusing.  “It is not _okay._ No human could manage to bypass a Vulcan’s mental shields and enter their mind with a simple touch.”

“Spock.  Please listen.  Whatever happened, whatever I did, it was by accident.”

“An accident that needs rectifying.”  Spock strode forward suddenly with purpose.  “I must remove the memory you saw.  For your safety and mine.”  He lashed out, “You _cannot_ speak that name.  It is treason.  We have both committed treason.”

“What?”  This was getting even more bizarre.  “We’ve done no such thing!  If you’re that concerned, I won’t ever mention it again.”  Jim pleaded with him to understand.  “I would never hurt you with what I saw.”

Spock shook his head in fervor.  “This is the only way to be sure.  I must remove the memory.”

Spock was frantic.  And panicked.  Jim had never seen him like this before.  He didn’t know the circumstances that led up to Spock’s memory, but he knew it had hurt Spock deeply.  If Spock needed Jim to forget in order to feel safe, then that is what he would do.  It was a small sacrifice for the person he loved.

“Okay, Spock,” he soothed.  “You can take the memory.”  He stared into the depths of the brown eyes he adored so much.  “I trust you.”

Spock took the consent without hesitation, crawling back into the bed and reaching for his psi points to utter, “My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts.”

How long they were in the meld, he didn’t know, but his mind perceived it as mere seconds.  A pressure grew within his mind, followed by a searing, blinding, white light before the meld ended.  He opened his eyes and saw Spock, mouth agape and hand still poised in the air.  He looked shaken to his core.

“Spock?  What’s wrong?” 

Still stunned and distraught, Spock's hand fell with a thud.  “We are bonded.”

The whisper was barely audible, but the weight of the revelation hit Jim square in the chest.  “Wait.  We’re bonded?  Like, Vulcan bonded?”

“I am sorry, Jim.  I did not know.  Could not tell.”  Spock deflated and hung his head, avoiding eye contact.  “I have violated you and the sanctity of your mind.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.”  Jim held up his hand.  “Stop right there.  You did no such thing.”  Spock’s head was still bowed.  “Spock, please look at me.”  There was no reaction.  “Please don’t make me order you to.”  Though it took several long moments, Spock finally did as he asked.  “How could this have happened without our knowledge?”

“I do not know.”  Spock paused.  “Perhaps…”

“Perhaps, what?”

“During my time, it could have formed as we fought on the sands of Vulcan, and with each meld, each touch of our minds, the connection grew stronger.”

“Until this time.”

“Yes.  It has blossomed into a full-fledged bond.”  Then Spock straightened himself, spine stiff and unyielding.  “However, the bond is not yet consummated.  It can be severed.”

Jim felt like he’d been punched in the gut for the second time this morning.  He didn’t know what Spock was thinking, but he refused to let Spock think this connection between them was unwanted or a burden, even if they’d never gotten to consent to it.  But severing the bond?  Jim sure as hell didn’t want that. This wasn’t how he’d imagined his confession of love happening, but if he didn’t tell him now, it might be too late.

“But what if…”  Jim took a deep breath, steeling himself against the rejection he feared.  “What if I wanted to stay bonded to you?  What if I told you I love you?”  He looked deep into warm, chocolate eyes widening in shock.  “I am in love with you.  And realized not long ago, that I have been.  For a very long time.”

“We cannot…”  Spock fumbled for words.  “You do not…cannot understand what this means.  You cannot.”  Spock was adamant.  “It must be removed.”

Jim’s hopes collapsed and with it, another wound, this one deeper and more painful than any other, was laid upon his heart.  “I beg to differ, and I won’t agree to that.” 

This was all wrong.  All of it.  None of this should’ve happened, especially not like this. 

Jim knew only one way to turn.  He climbed out of the bed, standing on the side opposite Spock.  He draped himself in the comforting mantle of captain.  He knew what do as Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise.  He had a job to finish regardless of his broken heart.

“We will deal with this after our mission.  I trust I can count on you to act professionally until we are finished with the Rugosans, Mister Spock?”  Jim didn’t think Spock could get any more rigid, but he managed it.

“Affirmative, Captain.”

“Then let’s do our job and get out of here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek, nor am I profiting from this in any way. I am merely playing with the characters for enjoyment's sake.


	7. Chapter Seven

Jim stood at the door to Spock’s quarters, his fingers perched above the call button.  He wanted to go in, to ask if it was all real, but the scars on his heart pulled tight, reminding him of the last time he’d taken that step and what it had cost him.  He faltered.  He didn’t have it in him to do that again.  Stepping away from the door, he turned and headed back to his own quarters.  Once inside his room, he synthesized a double shot of brandy to drown out the painful memories flooding his mind.

That fateful day on Tiliqua III had been almost three years ago.  Jim had spent most of the next four months after that mission trying to break down the walls Spock had erected between them.  Jim had fooled himself into trying to convince Spock that they could be together, that he wanted the bond they had to remain and grow, that he was ready to be husband, mate, and partner, but it was no use.  Spock actively avoided him.  Stopped playing chess and having meals together.  Sometimes even avoided his alpha shifts on the bridge with ‘experiments’ in the labs.  Everyone noticed that their command team was different, out of sync, broken.

By that point, the five-year mission was almost complete, and each day members of the crew received new assignments and transfers.  In fact, he’d been offered a position in the admiralty, but he had stalled.  He didn’t want a desk job.  He wanted the Enterprise and the exploration and the stars and Spock by his side. 

Bones had found him in his quarters back then, too.

_“Jim, I’m gonna need you to stay calm.”_

_Jim sighed.  “If you’re here to tell me you’re retiring, you’re too late old man.  I had to sign off on the official papers yesterday.”_

_“No, it’s not that.  Though I should’ve told you sooner about it.”  Bones plopped down beside him on the bed.  “You’ve just…had a lot on your mind lately.”_

_Jim let out a derisive huff, but neither agreed nor disagreed._

_“Dammit, Jim, I’m sorry, but there’s no easy way to say this.”  Bones let out a pained breath.  “He’s gone.”_

_“Gone?  Who’s – “  But by the look on Bones’ face, he didn’t have to ask.  Jim’s heart shattered, ripping apart; the ache growing until it was almost unbearable.  He gritted his teeth against the pain.  “When?”_

_“About six hours ago, headed to Vulcan on a shuttle.  I called in a few favors people owe me and, well…”_

_“Just spit it out, Bones.”_

_“He resigned his commission.  Admiral Komack signed off on it.”_

_“Of course he did.  I’d bet he celebrated his win.”_

_Bones’ brow furrowed.  “Jim?  What’re you talkin’ about?”_

_Jim said nothing.  What could he say?  In the end, did it really matter?  It had all fallen apart no matter how hard he had tried to keep it together.  He stared at his shoes in silence for the longest time before Bones spoke again._

_“You could go after him – “_

_“I’ve been trying.  Every day for the last four months.  I’m not going to make a further fool of myself by running after someone who has made it pretty damn clear they don’t want me.”_

_“I don’t think he – “_

_“Enough, Bones.  Drop it.  It’s done and over.  And I’ve got to move on to the next chapter, whether I want to or not.”_

_This time, it was Bones who sighed.  “Gonna take the admiralty position then, huh?”_

_Jim shrugged, resigned.  “What else have I got to lose?”_

 

If only he’d known then how much he still had left to lose.  A marriage of convenience that obviously failed.  His confidence in who he was.  His ship.  His crew.  And so much more.

But Spock had walked back aboard the Enterprise and into Jim’s life with the V’ger incident.  That moment Jim first glanced upon Spock had been nothing but pure joy.  He couldn’t stop his heart from wanting even after all that time.  But Spock had been cold and distant; a machine without feelings or care for their history.  He had defied Jim and left the ship to meld with V’ger.  Then everything seemed to change for a singular moment.

_This simple feeling._

So few words, but they spoke volumes.  And for an instant, Jim allowed himself to wish, to dream, to want.  He had hoped Spock would find him once the mission was finished, but he had been left waiting, and Spock hadn’t showed.

That’s how he’d ended up standing outside of Spock’s quarters, debating pushing the call button and ultimately deciding against making a fool of himself again.  He’d pieced himself back together after Spock left, maybe not neatly, but it was done.  But there was too much scar tissue holding him together.  If Spock rejected him again, he didn’t think there’d be enough left to salvage. 

So, he sat, mulling over his last three years with a few glasses of brandy.  He probably should’ve invited Bones.  At least he wouldn’t be drinking alone, and they could catch up.  Sitting in the quiet, his mind numbed from the alcohol, he finally gave in to the fatigue from the last few days.

He stood up, pulling his uniform shirt over his head and casting it aside, not caring where it landed.  He plopped down on the bed, removing his shoes and socks in quick order.  As he stood up to rid himself of the last of his clothing, his door chime rang. 

He sighed.  He knew he should’ve invited Bones over earlier.  Now the man would keep him up and all he wanted to do was sleep.  But he couldn’t just kick his best friend out and not have a few drinks together.

“Come.”  He didn’t wait for Bones to enter, instead he headed straight to the bathroom to relieve his suddenly full bladder.  “Make yourself comfortable,” he hollered.  “I’ll be there in a second.  Just gotta empty the tank for round two.”

He finished, washed his hands, and turned, the bathroom door opening with a swish.  He stumbled to a dead stop.  Fuck.  It wasn’t Bones.  It was Spock.  Standing in his quarters and looking as gorgeous as ever.  Goddammit.  He really should ask who’s at the damn door next time.

It took a moment for his system to reboot.  He picked his shirt up off the floor and pulled it on as he walked to stand behind his desk.  He needed the extra barriers between them, so he felt less exposed.  Gods, how could he still love Spock so much it hurt?  Maybe it was the bond that still connected them.  He berated himself for being weak.  T’Pring seemed to have no problem moving on with an intact bond, so why couldn’t he?

But he needed to get whatever Spock wanted resolved so he could sleep and try to forget this whole thing.  “Sorry, Mister Spock.  I thought you were someone else.”

“You were expecting Doctor McCoy.”  Spock hesitated.  “I can return at a later –.” 

“No.”  Jim couldn’t pinpoint what was going on behind those eyes, but he didn’t want to wait and see.  He wouldn’t get any sleep wondering what he wanted.  “What can I do for you?”

“I am…”  Spock fidgeted, breaking from his typical resting stance, to drop his arms and step forward.  “I apologize, Jim.  For _everything.”_

The whole world stopped but for the skip of Jim’s heart.  He held his breath.

“I ran from you.  To Vulcan and _Gol_ to attempt _Kolinahr._   I believed it was necessary.  That I had lost my way.  But it failed.  Just as I failed myself.  As I failed you.”  Spock’s voice wavered, softened as he said, “As I failed my sister, Michael.”

Jim didn’t move.  Couldn’t.  His heart hammered against his ribs waiting for this to all be a dream, for it to disappear into smoke as it had so many times.

“I regret that it took V’ger to remind me of what I had forgotten.  I promised to reach for those farthest from me and let them reach for me.  Instead, I isolated myself.”

It took everything within him to keep the control in his voice as he asked, “What are you saying?”

“I am asking for forgiveness.  I have hurt you, _t’hy’la_ , and there is no excuse for what I have made you endure.”  Spock took another step forward to where Jim had only to reach out to touch him.  “I heard you within my mind, just before I was to complete _Kolinahr._   Our bond called to me.  I failed to complete _Kolinahr,_ because the answer to my question, was and has always been, you.”

His hands trembled, the adrenaline spiking along his muscles.  He wanted to do the easy thing, just forgive it all and fall into Spock’s arms.  But he had to be sure this wasn’t just absolution of guilt pushing Spock.  “You know, I waited.  Waited to see if you’d change your mind.”  The old hurt flared in his chest.  “And I felt it, too.  The day you closed our bond and shuttered yourself from me.”  He saw Spock flinch.  “It was like ripping away a part of myself I could never get back.  And after you left?”  Jim shook his head, his heart pained with the remembrance.  “I gave up.  On so much.  Everything has been wrong since you left.”

“I had believed our bond born of violation of your mind.  I could not ask you to be with me.  I, who rid you of your autonomy  – “

“I was never violated,” he replied, his voice hardening in annoyance though he tried to remain calm.  “I told you that.  Repeatedly.  It was an accident.  It was not your fault.”

Spock inclined his head in acknowledgement.  “But that did not change my perception.  Jim, you must understand, my father has never melded with me and the bond with T’Pring was a weak, withered thing.  I did not know that a bond could be as ours is, even unconsummated.  It is rare, even amongst Vulcans.  It grew with every touch, every meld.  Until that night on Tiliqua III when you were able to initiate a meld because we already shared a bond that neither of us knew existed.”  Spock paused, drawing a breath before he uttered in a raw whisper, “The memory you accessed; that information is classified and any mention of it is a treasonable offense.  I felt I had not only violated you, but put you in mortal peril.”

“And you had no control over either!” he snapped.  Jim closed his eyes, fists clenching and unclenching as he breathed deep.  Anger wasn’t the answer.  He opened his eyes and stared intently at the ones across from him.  “What you did have control over was how you reacted afterwards.”

“I know that I have hurt you, possibly irreparably.”  Endless pools of deep brown pierced him, earnest and pleading as Spock implored, “However, if you can forgive my grievous injuries to your mind, your heart, and your soul, I would ask to be by your side, always.”

Jim stilled.  He held his breath until his lungs burned from its absence.  This was everything he’d wanted years ago.  Could he forgive?  He looked at Spock, the only being that he had ever truly loved, standing before him contrite and asking to be with him always.  But prior hurts would not be silenced that easy.  “So, does that mean you want our bond to stay, as it is?”

“No.  I would remove the shielding I put up before I left.  The bond would continue to grow stronger, even more so once,” Spock blushed green, “we became intimate.  It would also require travel to Vulcan to acknowledge us as a mated, bonded pair.  But,” Spock warned, “this would be no ordinary bond.  It would be unbreakable, unlike a human marriage.  You would be forced to endure my _pon farr – “_

“Already done that,” Jim countered.  “Pretty sure dying is a lot harder than having lots of wild sex.”

Spock blushed a deeper green, the color crawling all the way up to the tips of his ears.  “Perhaps.  But it would be an obligation and – “

Jim scoffed at that.  “And I’m pretty sure that in all the times I imagined us together, it was not out of obligation.”

He watched as Spock processed his confession, his pupils dilating.  “May I come to you?  Touch you?” he said, rough and deep, the reverberations sending tingling sensations shivering along Jim’s nerves.

Jim knew this was the moment of truth.  Whatever he chose, it would affect the rest of his life.  In the end, the answer was easy enough.  He’d already experienced life without Spock.  It was bleak, dull, and without color.  No matter what happened, a life with Spock was better than one without.  “Yes,” he breathed.  His whole body quivered in anticipation of a simple touch and what it would represent to them both.

Spock stepped around the desk as Jim turned to face him.  Spock’s hand came up, fingers caressing his face – from forehead, to cheek, to jaw, to chin and back – in a gentle, featherlight touch.  “I will forever regret leaving you, my James.  I promise I will never – “

Jim pressed a finger against his lips, stopping him.  “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.  Just.  How about for as many days as the universe grants us?”

Spock leaned forward, their foreheads pressing against each other.  “Agreed.  _Taluhk nash-veh k’dular, t’hy’la.”_

Jim didn’t know exactly what the exact words were, but he understood the meaning, loud and clear.  “I love you, too.”  They cupped each other’s face with their hands, foreheads still pressed tight, breathing the same air. 

Jim pulled back first, looking once again into those eyes he’d been lost without, and leaned in, placing a small, soft kiss upon pink lips.  Spock’s hands flexed as he pulled Jim harder to him.  What Jim had meant to start out slow, suddenly burst into roaring flames.  He gasped for air as his mind was flooded with _Spock_ ; his feelings, needs, and wants.  Jim’s eyes widened in surprise.  “Is that…that’s the bond?”

Spock nodded.  “I have dropped my shields.  Is it too much?”

Jim shook his head.  “It feels like…like all the cracks, all the missing pieces are being filled.”

“The bond seeks completion.  We are _t’hy’la_ ; two souls, harmonizing as one.”

Jim softly smiled.  “We were always that, Mister Spock.  Bond or not.”

“Indeed.”

It was the last word spoken before they collapsed into each other, wasting no more time on their reunion.  The years of pain and waiting and wanting were erased in the surge of their love.  The bond spurred them on, throbbing and pounding in time with their bodies.

The cruelty of their separation faded away.  They renewed themselves; as friends, brothers and now, lovers.   If the first touch sparked flames, then the last ones were explosions; releasing years’ worth of tension, hidden feelings and desires. 

Afterwards, they trembled in each other’s arms, naked and sated, basking in the afterglow.  The feedback along the bond assured them they each felt the same.  Their worlds had been righted.

Jim broke the silence first with tender amusement.  “That may have been impulsive.”

Spock hummed.  “Perhaps.”

“Any regrets?”

Spock turned to him.  “None.  Though I have many before this.  That I did not reach for you sooner.  That I caused you pain.”

Jim thought of all the lost time, all the potential wasted between them and decided he was done waiting.  He _knew_ Spock was it, and time was their most precious commodity.  “Would you be willing to do something else impulsive?”

Spock’s eyebrow arched with curiosity.

“Will you marry me?  In the human way, I mean.  Before they ship us off again?”

Contentment drifted across the bond.  It reminded him of warm sunshine on a cool, autumn day.  But Spock’s simple answer filled him with a happiness he’d long forgotten.

“Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated.
> 
> Vulcan translation: Taluhk nash-veh k’dular, t’hy’la = I cherish thee, t'hy'la
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek, nor am I profiting from this in any way. I am merely playing with the characters for enjoyment's sake.


	8. Chapter Eight

“Why are you such a mess?  Stop fidgetin,’” Bones grouched.

“Sorry,” Jim replied.  “Guess I’m a little nervous.”

“What for?  Didn’t you say you’re already bonded?  For all intents and purposes anyways.”  Bones peered at him.  “You afraid he won’t show?”

Jim wanted to deny it.  Wanted to say he was confident that Spock would honor his promise of intent and marry him, in both the human and Vulcan traditions.  But Spock had bolted from him once before and Jim had spent the better part of the last two years reeling from it.  In the deep dark of the night, when the silence roared, those scars still throbbed and ached.

Blue eyes grew wide in concern.  “You’re not gettin’ cold feet are ya?”

“No.  _No,_ ” Jim assured.  His next words were soft-spoken; his heart afraid to speak them too loudly and give them power.  He lowered his eyes.  “I just…I don’t think I could handle it if he walked out on me again.”

“Oh, Jim.”  Bones moved closer and laid a hand on his shoulder, forcing him to look up.  “He loves you.  There’s no doubt about that.  And V’ger gave him some much-needed perspective on that.  Plus,” Bones warned, “if he breaks your heart again, he’s gonna need to run somewhere a lot damn further than Vulcan because he’ll have me to answer to this time.”

A small, nervous laugh escaped Jim.  He was _mostly_ certain Bones was joking, but he wouldn’t put it past him to hunt down Spock if he walked out on Jim again.  He was ever thankful to have him on his side.

“But I don’t think it’ll come to that,” Bones continued.  “I’d be willin’ to bet the farm in Georgia on it.”

“No need to go that far, old man,” Jim teased.  “I’ve been properly reassured.”

“Good.  And,” Bones pointed, wagging his finger in reprimand, “I’m only gonna get old if you don’t get the rest of this damn thing on and get goin’.  I need a stiff drink and to get outta this thing as quickly as possible.”  He tugged at the collar of his shirt.  “You know how I hate my neck bein’ in a sling,” he complained.

Jim chuckled, “I know.  I appreciate you suffering through it though.”

“You better.”

They continued getting ready when suddenly, Bones snapped his fingers.  “Shoot, I almost forgot.”  He fished in his back pocket to pull out a blue piece of cloth, embroidered in what appeared to be command-stripe gold.  “I know your parents couldn’t be here today, so I had this made.”  Bones folded the handkerchief into a simple triangle and tucked it into the breast pocket of his tux.  “Had the quartermaster make it from the same material as the science uniforms.  So, it’s somethin’ blue and somethin’ new.”

Leave it to Bones to remember such an old superstition.  Not that he was ungrateful.  He’d take every bit of good luck the universe had to offer.  But before he could get the words out to thank him, someone coughed loudly outside the tent’s door flap, announcing their presence.  Bones turned, barely lifting the flap to conceal Jim from prying eyes.  The voice on the other side was one Jim knew well.

“Hopefully I’m not running too far behind.”

“Not at all, ma’am.”  Bones opened the flap wider, ushering her in.  “You’ve got perfect timin.’”

“Oh Jim,” she gushed.  She rushed to him, embracing him in a big hug.  “You look so handsome.”

“Thank you.”

“I see Leonard has given you his half already, and I bring the other half, if you’ll permit me.”

“Of course.”  He watched as Amanda pulled out a small box, inside an intricate ring with markings – no, it was writing – around it.

“This has been in my family for eight generations and each couple that’s worn it, has been blessed to spend many years together.”

“The writing is familiar.  It’s ancient Hebrew, right?”

“Yes.  It says, ‘I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine.’  I thought it fitting.  Plus, it fulfills the ‘something borrowed and something old.’”  She held it out.  “Here, try it on.”

Jim took the ring carefully, noting it seemed too small to fit on any finger but his pinky, so he slid it down until it rested comfortable and snug.  “Thank you, Amanda.”

“Please, call me mom.”  Without warning, she flung herself at him again, squeezing the breath out of him as she whispered, “Thank you for loving my son for all that he is.”  She pulled back with tears in her eyes.  Smiling brightly, she said, “Now, let me get out of here.  I’ve got a wedding to attend,” and with a playful wink, she left the room, the door flap falling closed behind her.

“How are you feeling now?” Bones asked.

“Better.  But I’ll be better still once this is over.”

They didn’t have but a few minutes to wait before there was another visitor.  This time it was Sulu, announcing from outside, “T minus five minutes, Captain.”

“Got it,” Bones hollered.

Jim felt a flutter in his stomach and wasn’t sure if it was excitement or nerves, but he felt like he was on the verge of an anxiety attack.  Or getting sick.  Or both.  “I’ve got to sit down.”  Wringing his hands, Jim floundered.  “I think I’m getting a migraine.”

“You gotta calm down.  It’s just stress, Jim.”

“Probably.  Maybe not?”  Jim looked up; his face grimaced with doubt.  “Is this going to work?  I mean, none of my relationships have.  Even my first go at this one.”  Jim brought his hands up to rub at the ever-growing throb in his head, palms pressing hard against his temples.  “My last marriage didn’t work out so well either.” 

Bones grunted in agreement.  “Yeah, well, marriages to the wrong people usually don’t.”  Then Bones sighed, whether in commiseration or frustration Jim couldn’t tell, but his next words were spoken in a tone that was soft, kind, and gentle.  “Listen, marriage is hard.  It is.  But look, this’ll be one of the easier things you and Spock have _ever_ done.  This is simple compared to throwing your self-sacrificing asses in the line of fire every chance you get or staying in my sickbay for a week because of some damn fool stunt you pulled.”

“And to top that off, you two chose to explore space.  Space is disease and danger, wrapped in darkness and silence.  And,” he continued, “when that’s still not enough?  There’s always alien despots hell bent on killing us, incomprehensible cosmic anomalies that could wipe us out in an instant, and deadly space spawn viruses and bacteria to keep it interesting.  Trust me, marriage will be the easiest part of this whole thing.”

Jim broke into laughter at Bones’ rant.  It’s exactly what he needed; Bones’ unique sense of humor and particular way of rationalization.  “You know – “  His words were cut short by the sound of classical music queueing up.  It was time.

“Alright, time for you to get hitched,” Bones stated matter-of-factly.  He strode over to the tent’s entrance, held the flap open, and with a wide sweep of his hand said, “After you.”

Jim took a deep breath.  Bones was right.  It was just pre-wedding jitters.  He and Spock were meant for each other.  This relationship, this partnership, this marriage had no comparison to the ones that came before.  This was _the one_.

He walked down the small, softly lit, dirt path, stopping at an archway covered in night-blooming jasmine.  A gentle breeze swirled the divine scent all around him.  He pulled it into his lungs with a deep breath, the action calming his frayed nerves. 

He glanced around at the beauty surrounding him.  The Moon Garden at the San Francisco Arboretum had always been one of his and Spock’s favorite places to visit.  Under the stars they normally traversed, they could simply sit and bask in the beauty of the night sky, marveling at the plants unafraid of the dark who dared to bloom in the soft, cool glow of the moon.

Looking across the clearing, he saw another figure beneath an identical arch.  He knew it was Spock.  And behind Spock, Amanda standing in as his second.  At the flourish in the music, they began walking toward each other; the butterflies in Jim’s stomach fluttered a cacophonous rhythm to the climatic thudding in his chest.  The music reached its crescendo just as they came together.  They linked arms, walking together up the makeshift aisle to where Scotty stood, waiting.  Behind them, Bones and Amanda followed, standing at their respective sides once they reached their places.

As a favor, their favorite engineer had agreed to officiate their wedding and he already had the qualifications, since he served as third in command of the Enterprise.  Scotty began with a simple, “Dearly Beloved…” but Jim failed to hear the rest of the greeting, preferring instead to get lost in the dark depths before him.  He realized he hadn’t felt anything across the bond all day – or more likely, he’d been too worked up to notice – but now he sensed a light static hum and smiled. 

Jim relaxed further, clearly Spock’s intention, though it seemed to work a little too well.  Time passed without note, and before he knew it, Scotty was asking for their vows.  It wasn’t until Scotty repeated himself and Spock’s eyebrow raised in concern, that he shook himself out of the trance.  “Right.  Sorry,” he said, digging in his pockets for the piece of paper.  He unfolded it and took a deep breath.  “My vows.”  He stared once again into Spock’s eyes, before clearing his throat, reciting the words he had written.

“Before we stood here, there came to mind many words I wanted to say.  But every word I wrote felt inadequate; a mere pittance to the sensation within my chest.  My words failed to convey all I feel.  So, I searched and found words that are old, classic, and eloquent in all the ways that love is.  Though they may not be my own, they are the words that I would write, that I would profess, were I a poet instead of an ordinary human rendered speechless by the man he loves.

 

Is it fate that binds us together?

For just as the fountains mingle with the river

And the rivers with the ocean,

The winds of heaven mix for ever

With a sweet emotion;

Nothing in the world is single;

All things by a law divine,

In one spirit meet and mingle,

Why not I with thine?

 

In truth, I have long believed that

You were you,

And I was I;

We were two

Before our time.

 

I was yours

Before I knew,

And you have always

Been mine too.

 

Someone once said to us, that you belong at my side, as if you’ve always been there and always will.  This is me, promising to be by yours. 

Ours is a love, a marriage of true minds.  From this day forward, we are an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and shall not be shaken.  It cannot be altered through time’s brief hours and weeks; our love will bear out even to the edge of doom.

To quote Oscar Wilde: “We shall be notes in the great Symphony, whose cadence circles through the rhythmic spheres.  And all the live World’s heart shall be one with our heart.  The stealthily creeping years have lost their terrors now.  We shall not die; the universe itself shall be our Immortality.”

How I do love you, Sch’n T’gai Spock.  With all that I am and will ever be.”

Jim took a deep breath; thankful he had made it through without stumbling over the words he desperately needed to say.  He waited, watching Spock.

Scotty cleared his throat, announcing, “You may proceed with your vows, Mister Spock.”

“James Tiberius Kirk.  _Jim_.  You are _t’hy’la_.  There are no Terran words that encompass what this ancient word means.  Though Vulcan has accomplished poets, Terrans have long written superior words for that emotion held dearest among you, sought for and fought for since humans began inhabiting the Earth: love.

Therefore, I have chosen to recite a Terran poem, with which I endeavor to adequately describe in human vernacular what you mean to me. 

 

I seemed to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times…

In life after life, in age after age, forever.

My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs,

That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms,

In life after life, in age after age, forever.

 

Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, its age-old pain,

Its ancient tale of being apart or together.

As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge,

Clad in the light of a pole-star piercing the darkness of time:

You become an image of what is remembered forever.

 

You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount.

At the heart of time, love of one for another.

We have played alongside millions of lovers, shared in the same

Shy sweetness of meeting, the same distressful tears of farewell –

Old love but in shapes that renew and renew forever.

 

Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you.

The love of all man’s days both past and forever:

Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life.

The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours –

And the songs of every poet past and forever.

 

I conclude my vows with these words from another human poet, wise beyond years:  Because I have known despair, I value hope.  Because I have tasted frustration, I value fulfillment.”  Spock’s voice rumbled, the timbre deep and full.  “Because I have been lonely, I value love.  Because of you, I feel valued beyond measure and to me, you are invaluable.  _Taluhk nash-veh k’dular, t’hy’la.”_

Jim eyes welled with tears, a single drop escaping confinement to track down his cheek.  He’d suspected all along that Spock was a romantic at heart, but this confirmed it.  They gazed into each other eyes, the bond pulsing with affection between them.  The moment was interrupted by Scotty sniffling.

“I’m sorry, sirs.  But that’s the most beautiful thing I’ve had the pleasure to hear.”  He wiped his cheeks and smiled.  “Don’t think any other wedding canna ever beat those vows.”  Scotty took one last sniffle, before continuing, “You have exchanged your vows before me and those gathered as witnesses.  By the authority vested in me by Starfleet, I pronounce you husbands and partners.”  Scotty grinned, gave an exaggerated wink, and exclaimed, “You may each kiss your husband!”

Shouts and hollers erupted from the guests, but Jim tried to maintain a bit of decorum for Spock and raised his index and middle fingers in the _ozh’esta_.  Spock met his fingers with his own and for a split second, their eyes locked.  Spock’s other hand reached for him, cupping the back of his neck to gently pull him forward.  The softest, most delicate kiss was laid upon his lips before Spock pulled back, dropped his hands, and stood up straight; returning once again to a perfect picture of Vulcan propriety.  The only indication that it was otherwise, was the slight uptick of his mouth and the slight raise of his eyebrow.

Jim laughed in delight.  He was _finally_ married to the wonderful being in front of him.  They linked arms once more and walked down the aisle between their guests, most of whom were making very loud, very human displays of approval.

They made their way along the path to the sizeable rectangular tent where the reception would start.  In addition, scattered about the arboretum, they had erected smaller tents within easy trekking distance from the main tent.  They wanted their guests to be able to break off and enjoy the various gardens at night.

They walked into the main tent and headed to the main table to await all their guests.  When Jim felt enough had gathered, he announced from the head table, “No more formalities!  There’s an open bar and a buffet of home-cooked, non-synthesized food.  Join us and let’s celebrate together.” 

There were more cheers from the crowd as everyone made their way to various stations.  Jim turned to Spock.  “Thanks for agreeing to the party, babe.  It’s only for a few hours and then we will get to the more interesting parts of the evening.”  He dropped his voice to a low whisper. “Like the beginning of the honeymoon.”  He accompanied his words with wagging eyebrows and a playful smirk, causing his husband to give him an infamous Vulcan eye roll.

Jim’s laughter floated through the tent and the nudge across their bond let him know that Spock was equally as content and amused.  “But for now, let’s make our rounds and thank everyone for coming.  Maybe we will be able to sneak out sooner than planned.”

Spock head tilted with concern.  “Are you not hungry?”

Jim shook his head.  “Too much excitement.  My stomach isn’t feeling all that steady.”  He smiled, “But don’t worry, I’m fine.  I’ll try and eat a little something in a bit.”

“Very well, _Adun._ ”

Jim couldn’t help the smile that crinkled his eyes, or the sheer joy that rang out within him.  Husband. It was the first time he’d heard the word tumble from Spock’s lips.  They were finally husbands, mates, and partners.  Signed, sealed, and delivered.  Well almost.  There was still the formality of the bonding ceremony on Vulcan and the blessing of Spock’s family – mainly T’Pau – to affirm their bond, but for all intents and purposes, this was it.  They’d finally made it.

They started at their left, opposite the entrance, making their way past the DJ towards the guests seated at tables.  They started with guests of honor, Spock’s parents, then Starfleet and Federation bigwigs, and on down.  Before long, Jim was lost in it all, unsure of the time spent talking and playing the gracious host – the amount of hobnobbing was equivalent to a major Federation diplomatic function – but it had been long enough and arduous enough, that he’d lost Spock somewhere along the way.

When, he couldn’t say.  Probably while he was chatting with the Admirals he’d had to invite.  They started talking business and when Jim went to move on to the next set of guests, Spock had not been by his side.  He’d glanced at his watch, noting the time.  He checked his watch several more times, marking how many minutes he mingled without him.    He was at twenty so far, with no Spock in sight.

Jim hurried through the rest of the greetings and thank yous to the table he was at and made a beeline for Uhura and Scotty, the latter of which was quite handily indulging in the open bar.  “Hey guys.  Have you seen Spock?”

“I cannae say.”  Scotty smiled, with a dopey, lopsided grin.  “All I see are dancing pink elephants.  The wee things are adorable.”

Uhura rolled her eyes.  “He’s enjoyed a little too much of your scotch, Captain.”

“Understandable.  But I’m not captain tonight.”  Jim sighed.  “Just a man looking for his husband.”  Jim’s eyes darted around the room before landing back on Nyota.  “You haven’t seen him?”

“Not since you started the rounds.”  She peered at him.  “Are you okay, Jim?”

“Um, maybe a little panicked.”  His hands started rubbing together of their own volition, his eyes scanning the room again.

“Oh Jim, I’m sure it’s nothing to be worried about.  I’m sure Spock will be back any minute.”

He turned, confiding to her, “I thought that once, too.  And he didn’t come back.  Not for a long time, anyway.”  Jim’s gut clenched; cold, hard lead settled in the pit of his stomach as the memory clawed out of the dark within him and squeezed.

“Oh, Jim.”  She grabbed him in a fierce hug, not letting up until she felt Jim squeeze back and heard him take a deep breath.  Pulling back, she laid one hand on his face.  “Listen to me, now.  He loves you.  There’s no doubt about that.  Take it from a woman that knows these things.  One who is trained to pick up on all sorts of cues.”  She leaned forward to kiss him on the other cheek, pulling back to murmur, “The growing pains are over.  There are no boundaries for you two anymore.”

He opened his mouth to refute, but a hard clap against his shoulder jostled him both physically and mentally.  He turned to see a slightly inebriated Chekov being followed closely by Sulu.

“Congrats, Keptin!  I am so happy for you.”  He paused as he glanced around.  “Vere is Mister Spock?”

“I don’t – “

“Here, sir.”  A package was thrust into his hands from Sulu.  “I wanted to get you something…well…different.  But that’s not for prying eyes, if you know what I mean.”  He leaned forward to whisper, “I know how you and Spock are into ancient, classical art forms.  This an old art from my ancestral home in Japan called _kinbaku._ There’s a book and a traditional _asanawa_ to get you started.”  Sulu pulled back, wagging his eyebrows as he said, “Have fun!”  Turning, he threw an arm around Chekov and left before Jim was able to gather his wits about him. 

Jim turned to Uhura, more than a little flabbergasted.  “Nyota – “

“Here, sir, let me take this off yer hands.”  Scotty grabbed the box from him and replaced it with a drink.  “I know a man that needs a scotch better’n anythin’.  Drink up!”

Jim looked down at the glass in his hand.  Why the hell not?  Might calm his nerves.

While Nyota reassured and discretely asked around, Scotty plied him with drinks, until his head started to swim and his stomach protested at the lack of sustenance to go with the alcohol.  It was then he had a thought.  He hadn’t seen Bones in a while either.  Where was he?  Probably changing out of his tuxedo.  He hated getting dressed up.

Then Jim had a panicked thought.  What if Bones saw Spock leaving and was trying to stop him?  Was there something Bones saw?  Gods, when had he become this anxious mess?

But Jim knew the answer.  The day a gorgeous Vulcan stepped into his life and laid claim to his heart.  Of course, it hadn’t been like the old fairy tales of Earth literature.  Spock running off to Gol and had devastated Jim in ways he’d never imagined.  Those memories, that pain, was the current source of the little voice gaining volume inside his head, and he was unable to mute it.

In fact, he’d had enough it and the waiting.  Even if he had to leave all his guests and walk around the entire city of San Francisco, he would find Spock and demand to know what happened.  He grabbed one last scotch for courage, snatching the glass from the bartender and turned, intending to throw back the shot.

But as he turned, the noise inside the tent died down suddenly, small gasps of surprise echoing throughout.  When he saw what had caused everyone’s reactions, he was already in the process of tossing back the shot, and there was no way to stop the motion.  Like his guests, he was mesmerized by what he saw, causing him to choke on the liquid in his mouth, spewing and spilling it down his front, drenching his tuxedo jacket as he sucked in the same shocked gasp.

Spock hadn’t left.  At least not permanently.  He had changed clothes from his Vulcan robes into a tuxedo.  A classic black tux, complete with a crisp white shirt.  It was tailored perfectly to his lithe form, accentuating his long legs and lean form, cutting lines on him a Vulcan robe couldn’t touch.  Not that Spock didn’t look good in everything, and nothing, for that matter.  He was stunning. 

And gods, Spock in black was Jim’s weakness, his kryptonite, as the old Earth saying went.  As colors went, black set off everything about Spock: his dark, silky hair, warm, brown eyes, and olive-green skin.  Jim’s mouth went dry, his heart fluttering in his chest.  Judging by the collective reaction of his guests, it was now several others weakness as well.  Though apparently, Spock had missed the memo on donning a bow tie, and his shirt was unbuttoned to the second button, the vee revealing a black patch of chest hair.

Scotty whistled low behind him, while Nyota admired the look with a quiet hum.  She turned to Jim, clucking her tongue.  “What are we going to do with you, Jim?  You’ve made a mess.”

He looked at her and then down at his tux.  It was soaked.  He was still in a daze, admiring his husband’s smooth strides when Uhura got his attention.

“Here.  Let me help.”  She took the glass, passing it off to Scotty, and then unbuttoned the jacket, getting him to shrug out of it.  “At least the shirt is mostly dry.  The jacket took the brunt of the attack.”  She gently shooed him along, “Now go get your husband before you two cause any further scenes.”

Spock had already made it most of the way to him before his legs remembered to move.  When they finally came together, Jim felt as if the very air had been stolen from his lungs.  He drank in the sight of his husband, admiring everything from head to toe.

Spock held his fingers up in the _ozh’esta_ and though it took a moment, Jim did the same, pressing his fingers against Spock’s.  Then Spock held out his other hand, murmuring, “I believe, my James, it is time for the traditional first dance.”

He audibly gulped, drowning in a dozen different emotions, as he took the extended hand of his _t’hy’la._   Spock led them to the left, past the DJ, then out through the doorway opposite where they had entered the tent.  There, set up under the stars, was a temporary dance floor.  They sank into one another, and Jim breathed deep, his relief palatable.  He was in the arms of the only person he cared to be in for the rest of his life.

He took another deep breath, this time, scenting the cologne Spock wore.  His eyes lit up.  “You’re wearing the cologne I got you?  Here?”  It was a special blend made just for his husband by a defected Orion Jim had met in his travels.  Orions understood pheromones and scents in ways most species could only imagine.  This cologne was specifically designed to work with Spock’s natural hormones and gods, did his husband smell – and look, for that matter – like sex on a stick.  His scent was an invigorating, heated spice.  It was definitely making Jim heat up in all sorts of places.

While Jim ogled Spock, the DJ announced the first dance; a song by their favorite classical band, Queen.  A small crowd had gathered around the dance floor and crowded in the doorway.  When the song began, they started waltzing; a fairly simple dance for them to share, but Jim faltered, missing the first few steps.  Spock arched his brow in concern.

Jim face reddened.  “Sorry, babe.  You just…damn, you look good.  And smell good, too.  It’s a bit distracting.”

Spock blushed.  “I was unsure, but Leonard assured me it would be well received.”

“Bones helped with this?”

“I wanted to surprise you, but experienced doubt.  I asked him for help, and he obliged.”

“I bet he did.”  Jim took one finger and traced it down Spock’s exposed chest.  “Whose idea was this?  Tuxedos normally have bow-ties, you know.”

Spock blushed again, this time painting his cheeks and ears in a deep, lovely green.  “I appeared to have misplaced that particular article of clothing, but Leonard insisted this would be more aesthetically pleasing to you.”

Jim chuckled.  “He wasn’t wrong.”  Jim glanced at the gathered crowd and found the man he was searching for.  Bones had changed out of his tux and had a brandy in his hand.  He lifted it in a toast, eyes twinkling with mirth.  Jim couldn’t help but laugh.

He returned his attention back to his husband and the dance.  It was another minute or so before Spock leaned in, whispering, “I do not mean to ‘ruin the mood,’ but earlier, before we began dancing, you seemed…anxious.  Apprehensive.  Did something happen in my absence?”

A sheepish smile graced his features, and his eyes drifted to the floor.  “It was just some anxiety and nervousness over nothing.  It’s been a busy day, you know.”  Spock halted their movements.  Jim looked up, only to find Spock’s eyes intent on him, piercing into his very soul.  He saw the calculations within those darkened depths and knew the exact moment realization dawned on Spock.

“You believe I had departed.”  It was not a question.

Jim closed his eyes.  He should’ve trusted Spock, but old fears and hurts died hard.  He felt fingers raise his chin and though he didn’t want to see the disappointment in Spock’s eyes, he opened his eyes and braced himself.  But he saw no disappointment, only understanding and overwhelming love.

“I am forever ashamed that I hurt you so deeply, _t’hy’la_.  That I abandoned you.  I cannot alter the past.”  Spock cupped Jim’s face as he said, “But know, I will not part from your side ever again.  By your side I will remain, always.”

Jim’s heart beat wildly at the words.  There was a certain solace in knowing the old wounds would fade; that Spock was finally his, and he was Spock’s.  Unable to stand the space between them any longer, Jim grabbed Spock to him and crushed their lips together in a very human kiss.

There were lots of hoots and hollers, but it was insignificant compared to the thunderous beats of their hearts.  They kissed again, their bodies molding together, perfectly fitting against one another in a searing heat.

Jim pulled back first, a Cheshire-cat grin on his face.  He grabbed Spock’s hand and tugged.  “Let’s go for a little walk.”  He dipped his head, voice lowered to a volume only Vulcan ears would hear.  “And have a little privacy.”

They walked off the dance floor to more festive yells and into the nearby courtyard, turning right to disappear into a small copse of trees.  They were surrounded by nature, shimmering and glowing underneath the twinkling light of the moon and stars.  The sounds of the reception became distant and muffled, reinforcing the illusion that they were secluded and alone.

Jim turned, backing Spock against a tree.  “Gods, babe.  You look good enough to eat.”  Leaning forward, he whispered into a pointed ear, “I want you so bad.”

Spock’s hands landed at his waist, gripping tight.  He pulled, their hips and groins crashing into one another.  “You are emotionally compromised and slightly inebriated.  This is ill-advised.”

“Is it?”  Amber eyes glowed with mischief.  He ground his hips against Spock.  The twitch of Spock’s fingers and the hitch in his breath told Jim all he needed to know.  “Kiss me.”

There was a singular moment of delay before their lips met, colliding into each other like twining galaxies.  Spock spun them, turning the tables as he pinned Jim against the very same tree, kissing and pressing and fondling until Jim was out of breath and pliable.

Jim tried to make his legs move but couldn’t.  “I’m literally weak in the knees for you, Spock.  Can hardly stand up.  Well, except for one part,” he chuckled.

Spock rolled his eyes.  Well, a Vulcan roll of the eyes anyways.  Jim knew the difference and he couldn’t help but be amused at his husband’s exasperation.  “Are you sure about being hitched to me til death do us part?”

Spock let go of his hip to stroke his thumb along Jim’s cheekbone.  “I have never been more certain.  I will always reach for you, and endeavor to hold tight.”

Jim sighed, happy and contented.  “You know, it’s not against tradition for the married couple to sneak away to start the honeymoon early while the guests continue to party.”

A single eyebrow quirked.  “Indeed?”

“What do you say to finishing up our roles in the reception and getting started on that happily ever after part?”

“I am amenable to the suggestion.”

Jim laughed again, placed a kiss on those decadent pink lips, and grabbed Spock’s hand.  Together they walked back to the reception and onto the beginning of the rest of their lives together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vulcan Translations: Adun = Husband; Taluhk nash-veh k’dular, t’hy’la = I cherish thee, t'hy'la
> 
> Poem References/Notations used in Jim and Spock's vows:
> 
> Jim starts off with the first verse of "Love's Philosophy" by Percy Shelley, then to "Always" by Lord Byron, and then paraphrasing/quoting "Sonnet 116" by Shakespeare. He ends with a portion of "We Are Made One with What We Touch and See" by Oscar Wilde.
> 
> Spock references two poets: "Unending Love" by Rabindranath Tagore and "Because" by Leonard Nimoy. Spock added a last verse to Leonard's poem, but I think Grandpa would approve. <3
> 
> Whew. The boys went a little crazy with the poetry! ;)
> 
> In addition, there are references/direct quotes from ST:The Original Series, ST:The Motion Picture, the novelization of The Motion Picture, ST:2009, ST:Beyond, and ST:Discovery scattered throughout the fic. Hope you found them all and enjoyed them.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek, nor am I profiting from this in any way. I am merely playing with the characters for enjoyment's sake.


End file.
